I Sometimes Say Nothing

There are things I do now that people who have known me for a while are not use to and also things I do that people who have not known me that long seem to not understand. The talking thing seems to bother people the most. I am quieter than I I use to be. I am content most times to say nothing. I am content to just let the other person talk. Some times I hear in my head “They want to or need to talk so just let them.” That does not mean I have to also talk as much. Sometimes I realize that the other person didn’t even notice that the whole time I said nothing. Its okay because for whatever reason they needed to say things. I listen but I have also gotten really good at disassociation. It like when your half listening like when you hear what is being said although it doesn’t have 100% of your focus. I used disassociation a lot while I was working on myself and while my negative ego was still easily aggitated. Often it would help to try to not engage fully in what another was saying. Then there were and still are times when the other person asks me a question but it more like they are trying to pin me down on something. Often I find it hard to answer and I get that look from them like they think I am the idiot but the problem was in the question itself. Some I can’t answer because it is only answerable if I believe in a certain truth and I am silent while I try to ponder whether they really want to hear my real answer. Yes, no, they won’t be happy with the real answer and the people who are closest to me in my life are not trying to learn anything from me. They don’t see me that way. However most know me those closest to me do not but that is okay because they are not my concern. They are not who I am suppose to be helping anyway. I am more concern with the people who are on the path and are ready for the understandings I have gained. I am more interested in communicating with those who have a healthy respect for the higher self and those not always letting the lesser negative ego self run them, or at least trying to make an effort to change that and rise above it. Although I was not always where I am now, I am here now and I get to fully be here. I don’t have to dummy myself down spiritually just because most are not where I am at. I would like to think if I can stay strong and not dummy myself down then maybe others who deal with me will have to come up a little bit. Okay, yes, that is a great thought on paper but that is not what usually happens…but I am okay with that.film A Cure for Wellness 2017 trailer

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