I have read about the lives of people like Hilarion who had been Saul/Paul. What they went through with the negative ego. At times people have asked me if I believe there is a Satan or some evil like that that exists. Yes, there is this evil. Some times it is of our own making from the negative energy that we put out that creates that evil that manifests in a way and makes you think you are being harassed by an evil spirit. The evil we make that does not just go away quietly but hounds and tortures us relentlessly sometimes. It is real but it is created by us in times when we lose control and let loss negative energy that is more powerful that we can imagine. Then there is also the negative ego that we live with our whole lives. At the least it affects our self -esteem, makes us doubt ourselves, makes us afraid at time of failure or even death. It is always there. Because there is always the balance to consider. In a way light and dark go hand in hand. For up there must be down, for love there is also hate, and also the masculine feminine balance that is explained through the story of Adam and Eve. The negative ego is never looks and thinks it is defeated and so it should get another job. It never stops no matter how well we are doing. Some like Hilarion were tortured by the negative ego their whole lives. They tried to resist it by fasting and praying constantly. Nothing puts it off. If you are on a spiritual path and it is your great passion the negative ego will even try to tempt you with dreams you have had. If you always dreamed of being a musician but long ago put that dream away and sincerely do not long for it any more, don’t be surprised if the negative ego pulls that out one day to use against you…and when you least expect it. The negative ego is Satan at his worst. He will be there to give you visions and thoughts of things that could potentially bring you down. You can never get to comfortable because you can never stop being on guard from the negative ego. Sometimes it is there when I wake up and I swear it is what woke me up. Like an annoying child poking and prodding you and whining for something. The negative ego is like that. Sometimes your own expectations can trip you up because the negative ego is also like the eavesdropper. Whatever you know, it knows. Whatever are your secret thoughts, they are not secret from the negative ego. You cannot whisper how you will never do this or that again because it will try its hardest to push even harder so you trip, fall and do do those things again. Saying it is the negative ego makes it sound less ominous than saying it is the devil himself. You can call it the negative ego and yes that sounds less evil but when it rears its ugly head it is no less evil. It does matter what the things are that torture me at times. All that matters is every time you are able to resist. Same victory but a major one still even if later you trip and fall.